


Collars and Heroes

by writteninweakness



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Case Fic, F/M, Gen, Slow Burn, spoilers for yanagi's route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21665686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writteninweakness/pseuds/writteninweakness
Summary: Ichika has never stopped looking for the boy who saved her, wanting to thank him. When a routine patrol causes her to cross paths with Aiji Yanagi, she wonders if he might be the one. What begins as a professional relationship based on her part in his case becomes much more complicated when the countdown to X-Day begins and changes everyone's lives forever.
Relationships: Hoshino Ichika/Yanagi Aiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Collars and Heroes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fluffybun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffybun/gifts).



> I apologize. I had a novel's worth of ideas after reading over your letter, and they all wanted to be in one fic. Trying to contain them was... difficult, and I actually ended up expanding this after a friend (who is completely unfamiliar with the fandom) read it over for me. Her comments made me see a few problems with it, and I did my best to fix those and make it a smoother, more connected story. 
> 
> I loved the idea of exploring how Yanagi and Ichika's relationship would be changed if she remembered him from the past, and that is what I hope I did justice to for you.

* * *

_A monster._

_No. Not a monster. That terrible darkness wasn’t a monster. A boy. She could see him now, even as she trembled. She’d been so scared, and there had been blood, and that smell, was it blood? It must be, there was so much of it around, on her and on him._

_On the man who’d taken her._

_She looked at the boy in front of her again. He was still holding out his hand. She wanted to take it. She should. He had come to save her. She remembered that. She did. He was her hero, and she wanted to cling to him and cry, but she couldn’t make herself move._

* * *

Ichika opened her eyes, feeling a heavy weight on her chest again. The chains. She felt them sometimes, not just the times when she woke from the dream, but other times, too. When she was scared, that fear could be the same, oppressive as those old shackles.

She shook it off. She’d been having the dreams more and more often these days. She wasn’t sure if it was her new job, one sort of inspired by what happened that day, or if it was because her brother was now the same age as that boy had been in her memory.

She didn’t know his name. She didn’t know who he was. She’d never been able to thank him.

She owed him her life, and she might never be able to meet him again.

Sometimes she couldn’t see past the dark cloud hanging over him, the fog of her vision made by the pain she’d been in back then. She couldn’t make out his face, and that just made it worse. If she ever met him again, would she recognize any part of him?

She reached over to the table by her bed and picked up the picture of her and her brother. Those days seemed so far away now, distant and blurry, though when she looked at photos like this, she could almost remember. Kazuki was so grown these days, older and almost a stranger to her. She missed the days when it was simple. He used to cling to her, and they were very close, but now she rarely saw him, and he never seemed to want to talk to her.

She was busy, too, with her new job and new home. She must seem like a stranger to him, too. She knew her decision to become a cop had been a surprise to her parents. They didn’t expect her to run the business like her brother was supposed to, but that didn’t mean they wanted her to be a cop.

She made a mental note to try and talk to her brother after work today. She wanted to make sure he was okay, and she might even have a day worth talking about today, since she was on patrol duty. She was still just starting out, so she didn’t have any great stories, but sometimes she met some interesting people on her patrols. Would Kazuki even want to hear about that?

She didn’t know. She was afraid she’d completely lost touch with her brother already, and she wasn’t sure there was anything she could do to fix it.

She set the picture back on the table. Maybe she couldn’t find the hero who had saved her life so long ago, but she had to try and make things right with her brother.

* * *

“This is the officer that called it in,” the uniformed man said, gesturing forward as he led Morioka and Yanagi toward a woman. From here, she seemed fresh faced and young, barely looked old enough to be on the job, but she wore the uniform. No mistaking that. “She stayed pretty calm, but she didn’t want to leave the body.”

Morioka grunted. Yanagi almost passed him a cigarette, used to the other man’s moods by now. He could always tell when his supervisor needed one, though it wasn’t like he would refuse if he got the offer. He knew he needed to cut back at least, but he hadn’t managed it yet. This case didn’t help with that. Between the stress and Morioka’s company, it was harder to quit.

“You found her?”

The woman nodded, her eyes still on the body. “Yes, sir.”

Morioka waved the other detective away. He clearly didn’t want that one interrupting, and if it was possible he was influencing her statement at all, he needed to be gone. “I need you to tell me everything, Officer.”

“Hoshino,” she supplied, though she hadn’t been asked for it. Morioka didn’t often bother. Others had that on record. He just wanted the facts. “I was walking the park like always when I heard the dog barking. I thought it might be lost or even just chasing a cat.”

Yanagi looked down at where the dog’s leash was still bound to the wrist of its former owner. He didn’t see the animal anywhere, but they likely would have taken it away for any possible evidence and to keep it from contaminating the scene further. They were fortunate. This one was almost untouched.

“I thought maybe she had a heart attack until I turned her over,” Hoshino said, shaking her head. The woman was much younger than the typical age for heart attacks, and this was no natural death. That much was clear with a glance. “I checked, and she had no pulse. I called it in. I stayed.”

“Did you see or hear anyone else?”

Hoshino shook her head. “People were coming and going, but no one stood out. I’m not sure I could identify any of them if I saw them again.”

Morioka didn’t like that answer. “Learn to be more observant. That is your job.”

She nodded, keeping her head bowed.

“Yanagi, finish here. I need to talk to the crime scene unit.” Morioka didn’t wait for his response before leaving. He didn’t expect him to. Morioka was the head of Section 1, and he expected his detectives to do their own work. He was only here because this was looking to be a much bigger case than the mugging others would assume it to be. They had a few bodies piled up already, their deaths looking to be connected, and if they were,

“I’ll work on my observation skills.”

Yanagi smiled slightly. “Even if you did, it will be difficult to impress him.”

She gave a nervous laugh. “Yes, but… I was preoccupied. I didn’t do my job properly. My shift was almost over, and I was thinking about what I’d say to my brother after I got off work. Not where I was or who I was walking past. The point of patrols are to notice such things.”

Yanagi couldn’t argue that. “You know what you did. You know what to change. That’s a start.”

She nodded but continued to look down at the body. Yanagi understood. He’d done the same with his first body found on patrol, and that wasn’t the same. He’d thought he was different because of his years on the streets, nothing should have fazed him, but that body still shook him like this shook her. She might have seen death before, maybe, but this was different. She’d found a body on the job, and she blamed herself.

“Whoever killed her did so quickly enough to avoid her dog or it didn’t see her killer as a threat. This was over fast either way. There was nothing you could have done. Even if you remembered every detail of who passed by you before you found the body, you still might not have seen the killer. This park has several entrances and exits.” Yanagi didn’t add that this was likely the work of a professional, but that was their going theory based on the other incidents. That wasn’t for everyone to know.

“Thank you.” She looked up, finally, wiping at the corner of her eye. She stopped, staring at him.

“You may remember more later,” Yanagi went on, though he had to admit that seeing her face threw him a little. He’d had some warning in the name, but he hadn’t thought she was _that_ Hoshino. The name wasn’t Tanaka or Suzuki, but there were still plenty of women with the name Hoshino out there, her age and older, and yet against all those odds, the girl from his past stood here before him. How was that possible? It shouldn’t be, and he didn’t know that he’d consider it a coincidence. “We notice more than we think and don’t always recognize it at first.”

She nodded, looking like she wanted to say more, but she did not.She swallowed, closing her eyes, which was a bit of a relief for him. She wasn’t staring at him like he was a monster this time. Did that mean she did not remember him at all? Or had she recognized him? If she had, why did she say nothing? Shouldn’t she run?

She must not recognize him.

“Think beyond your thoughts,” Yanagi advised, wanting to get more from her on this case. The past didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to say anything, not if she didn’t know who he was. “Your brother was on your mind, but your eyes were paying enough attention to keep you from falling when you walked. Do you remember anything about anyone who passed you before you found the body? Before you heard the dog?”

Hoshino took a deep breath before she spoke again, as if she was reliving that memory. “There was a teenage girl with a backpack. I think the bag was black. She wore plain clothes, not a uniform. I remember thinking it was strange because it was a school day, and I went right back to my brother because he was supposed to be in school today.”

Yanagi nodded. They couldn’t discount the girl as being involved or possibly seeing something, so that helped. He knew that it wasn’t enough for Morioka, but Yanagi didn’t want to stick around for her to remember him and panic all over again. “Anything else?”

“No. I don’t… I can’t think of anything right now.”

“We’ll look into the girl.” Yanagi knew he didn’t have a choice, so he took out his card and handed it to Hoshino. “If you think of anything else, let me know.”

She nodded, still subdued, but at least she didn’t shy away from taking the card from him. Her eyes met his again as she spoke with determination. “Yes. I will.”

* * *

_Don’t call him. You are not allowed to call him._

Ichika fingered the card again, turning it over in her fingers. How many times had she read it since he gave it to her today? She wasn’t sure. She’d been so shocked when she looked up at him she hadn’t managed to say anything. Seeing his eyes, she wanted to ask him if he was that same boy, the one she’d dreamed about again that morning, but she didn’t. She just stared.

When she’d been about to find her voice again, he’d asked her to remember her patrol, and she’d focused on it, forcing other thoughts out of her head and trying to be a better cop than she was. She’d remembered something, but she didn’t know that it would help.

She wanted to help. She wanted to be useful. She wanted to thank him for what he’d done for her. At nine years old, she’d been too scared to do it, but she was twenty now. She should be able to tell him, to say two simple words, and yet they weren’t enough.

She didn’t know that it was him, not for sure. She’d never learned his name, after all, and so she didn’t even have that to help her find him. She’d wanted to use her access at the police station to find it, but somehow the report was missing. She didn’t know if that was her parents’ doing or if because it was ruled self-defense and the report wasn’t considered necessary. Maybe because they were both so young it was sealed somewhere, but whatever the reason, she couldn’t find it. She’d tried everything she could think of, even checking to make sure it wasn’t her own lack of access causing the problem, though that was risky enough and that man in IT was awful to her about it.

She never, ever wanted to deal with him again, though at least she knew for sure the file didn’t exist, because she was sure if it had just been above her clearance, he would have rubbed her nose in her lack of access.

She touched the card again. _Aiji Yanagi._ His name wasn’t familiar, not really, but somehow she felt it suited him—that boy and the man she’d met today. Somehow it didn’t surprise her that he’d become a cop. That felt like something her rescuer would do. He’d been so brave that day. She’d been so scared.

Even now, she was, a little, afraid to ask him and know the truth. As much as she wanted to, as much as she owed him a thank you, asking him made her want to deny everything she’d seen today and in the past.

She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

She laid back on her bed, staring at the ceiling as she tried to think. If there was anything else about that patrol today, she’d have a reason—okay, an excuse—to call him. If they spoke about that poor woman today, then afterward, after she’d helped with his case, maybe then she could ask him about that day.

She needed to rehearse that. She didn’t dare go around calling him her savior or her hero. That would just be humiliating.

She closed her eyes, and once again that woman’s face came to her mind. Wait a minute. She had seen her before. Not today, but last week, when she did this same patrol.

She reached for her cellphone and put the number from the card into it before pushing send.

“Yanagi.”

“It’s Hoshino. I… I thought of something. I don’t know if it’s important or not, and I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier, so I’m sorry. I have seen that woman—the one who died—I saw her before. On patrol. Last week and the week before that. She walks in the park at the same time every day, I think. I don’t go on that route every day, but when I see her, it’s always around the same time.”

“It’s possible her killer knew that, too.”

“Then… I was helpful?” She almost smacked herself. She sounded way too desperate. How was she going to ask him if he’d saved her after bungling that?

“I haven’t had a chance to finish looking into the victim or her habits, but it’s good to know.” Yanagi told her, and Ichika tried to smile even if he wouldn’t see it. “Anything else?”

“Not yet. Sorry. I guess that could have waited.”

“It’s something I didn’t know, and it may be important. Thanks, Hoshino,” he said and hung up before she could ask him about that day.

She sighed, considering calling him back, but she shook her head, putting her phone away and going to sleep instead.

* * *

Over the course of the next week, they exchanged several phone calls. She’d call him with something new she remembered, or he’d call her to clarify some detail, but the calls always ended before either of them asked the question that they both wanted—and feared—to ask.

_Do you remember that day?_

The words hung in the air, unspoken. Neither of them realized the other wanted to know just as much. Neither of them knew the other was just as afraid to ask.

* * *

“You calling your boyfriend again?” Kazuki asked with a tone to his words that actually hurt, and she shook her head, unable to explain her relationship with Yanagi. She was a part of his case, but she wasn’t, and she was curious about it, and wanted to know more, but no one told her much.

She was just supposed to stick to the job she had, and she knew that was right—she wasn’t experienced, she couldn’t solve it like Yanagi or another detective could. She had a lot more to learn before she did the same kind of work he did. She’d even been so distracted she’d messed up the job she _did_ have, and that wasn’t good.

Still, she wanted to help, and she kept trying. Yanagi never stopped her, and she liked that about him. He made her think, let her work through some of the conclusions on her own, and she felt like even if she wasn’t really working the case, she was learning a lot from him.

And she still hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask him if he was that boy from back then, the one who’d saved her. Until she did, she had a hard time giving up any chance to talk to him, hoping for a sign of more or even just that last bit of courage coming to her so she could finally ask Yanagi about that day. She had to keep trying, but she didn’t know how to tell Kazuki about that.

She remembered he used to cling to her after it happened. That day had scared him, and was it really right to upset him again by reminding him of that time?

“It’s a case,” she said. “It’s work. I can’t really talk about it.”

Kazuki got angry with her again, leaving in a huff. She sighed. As much as she’d hoped having him nearby for school would mean she could fix the distance between them, it still hadn’t happened. She wasn’t sure anything ever would.

Sighing, she pushed the button and made another call she shouldn’t make.

“Yanagi.”

“It’s me,” she said, already feeling foolish. “I was wondering if that girl with the backpack was any help to you. I know you said you had more questions for her. I haven’t seen her again on patrol or anything, not like when I called you before when she was there, but I keep going back to her again and again. I don’t know why.”

“You have a cop’s instincts,” Yanagi told her, and she felt herself flushing with the praise. “Not fully developed yet, but you’re not wrong.”

“Oh. I… It was her?”

“She was involved. Decoy that distracted the dog while the actual killer did his work.”

Ichika winced. “How—I didn’t want her to be a killer, but how can anyone do that? How could she help someone kill like that?”

“Young girl, older boyfriend. He was already deeply involved in crime before they met, and she was attracted to the ‘bad boy.’ It happens.”

“It shouldn’t.” Ichika put her hand to her head again. “I mean, I understand loving someone despite them doing some wrong things, and I can even see the appeal of someone who seems to defy authority, but going so far as to commit crimes with them? No.”

“You wouldn’t go deep into crime for the man you loved?”

She shook her head. “Sometimes I think that no one will ever live up to a certain punk kid in my mind, but no. Sure, he had a heart of gold, but if I thought he’d really done wrong, I wouldn’t go along with him. I couldn’t.”

Yanagi was quiet, and somehow she felt she’d said the wrong thing. As the silence stretched on, she swallowed awkwardly.

“Um, not that I wanted to talk about—”

“I have to go. Few things to wrap up on the case. Thank you for your help, Hoshino.”

* * *

The wind was cold, but it felt like a fitting end to the case that Aiji just closed. The paperwork was finally done after the last arrest. His part was over until he had to testify at the trial. He should feel good about it or at least relieved, but he didn’t. He looked out at the city, feeling hollowed out by the discoveries he’d made.

He’d shielded Hoshino from the worst of them, though he hadn’t been able to deny the girl’s part in that woman’s murder. Hoshino’s information hadn’t seemed important at the time, not much of any detail, but it had been the break this case needed.

She’d given them the girl, who in turn led them to the boyfriend, who broke and gave them more of his organization. Now several killers were behind bars, and yet somehow that didn’t feel like enough. He knew it should be enough, but he couldn’t feel like it was.

His phone buzzed, and he took it out of his pocket, glancing at the name on the screen.

“That the girl?”

Yanagi put his phone away, looking at Morioka. He took out a cigarette and lit it, waiting for whatever his supervisor really wanted to say. Maybe it was nothing. Morioka might just be out here to smoke like Yanagi was.

“If she’s your itch, go scratch it and get it out of your system.”

Yanagi frowned. “You think I’m too distracted to work? The paperwork’s already done.”

“You have other cases.”

Yanagi did. They all had more. That didn’t mean he wasn’t doing his job. “Doesn’t matter. That’s not what it was. She had useful information for that case. She’s also a young cop who wants to learn more. She’s got decent instincts, so maybe she could become a good detective someday, but she lacks training. She can’t improve if she never learns.”

“You taking it on yourself to teach her?”

Yanagi shook his head. He couldn’t teach her anything, and if she ever remembered what he’d been to her before, she would never want to see him again.

Morioka grunted. “You’ve heard the rumors, haven’t you?”

Yanagi nodded. Everyone had, he was sure of that. Hoshino had even asked him if he knew anything about it. “Officers have gone missing. At first it was just one, but we’re up to three now.”

Morioka’s silence unsettled him. Yanagi got the feeling that there were more than three, but Morioka didn’t appear willing to admit it.

“You’re not thinking she might be a target, are you?” Yanagi found that a bit hard to believe. “From what I could tell, they were all involved in a particular case. That musician and the man that fell on the train tracks.”

Morioka turned away, which might well mean there was some truth to the rumors they’d pressured people into testifying against that musician. Not every cop was like Morioka. He could be harsh, but Yanagi trusted his sense of justice. Morioka had never crossed that line, not even in helping a former punk like Yanagi.

“Keep your guard up,” Morioka said, snuffing out his cigarette and heading back inside.

Yanagi finished his and lit another, deciding this time he wasn’t calling Hoshino back.

* * *

The first X-Day crime happened. The kidnapped officers shown on a screen in the square, the broadcast made public, for all to see. Words of judgment were spoken, the distorted voice telling the world of the crimes committed by those meant to uphold the law.

A month later, those same police officers were shown again, dressed in costume heads. Nothing was comical about it, for judgment pronounced was then carried out, and all of them were executed.

Everyone was shaken.

When the police were accused of corruption, when they couldn’t save their own, the faith of the people wavered. They didn’t know where to find help from a world they no longer understood, one full of fear and despair.

* * *

_Did you know any of the officers that died?_

Ichika winced as she realized she’d actually sent the text. Yanagi had stopped answering her calls, and she knew better than to try again, but her foolishness had said he might answer a text instead. She wasn’t sure why she’d thought that it would be any different.

Yet, somehow, inexplicably, an answer came.

_Not personally. Heard of a few, but never done more than pass them in the halls._

She was glad of that. She’d hate to think of him having lost a friend. He didn’t deserve that. _I didn’t know any of them, either, but I was worried you did. I suppose I shouldn’t be glad, but I wouldn’t have wanted you to lose a friend._

_You are too nice. I’m fine. Busy. We all are._

She nodded, though he could not see it. She knew that she couldn’t keep interrupting him. He had important work to do, and she needed to do her own job. Things had changed after the X-Day countdown began, and everyone was afraid. They needed something to believe in, some kind of hope.

She believed in Yanagi. She thought that he’d be part of stopping Adonis before they could do as they threatened.

_If you need any help, please tell me. I may not know as much as you, but I want to stop X-Day, too._

She waited, but it did not seem like he would answer her again. She shouldn’t have expected it. Hadn’t she just been talking about the important work he was doing? And how she shouldn’t bother him? Oh, she would love to work with him to stop it, she truly would, but if he didn’t want her interference, she couldn’t push.

_I will. If you think you have something of use, don’t hesitate to tell me._

She smiled with relief, holding onto her phone for a bit longer than necessary. Yanagi’s text made her feel like they would be able to do this. She didn’t know how, not yet, but they would.

* * *

Her optimism might have been unfounded. Months passed. More crimes happened, all of them part of the countdown to X-Day.

A bomb exploded in a classroom. Several children were killed. The explosion was believed to be an accident at first, something gone wrong in the science lab, but roman numerals were found on the roof and Adonis claimed responsibility for the incident. All of those children were judged as guilty of crimes.

A stalker was killed. Some believed the man who killed him acted in self-defense. Adonis supported his actions as self-defense and claimed responsibility for assisting the woman who had been stalked, a woman the police did not help despite her repeated appeals for assistance.

Some believed the stalker was a part of Adonis. Some believe the man who killed him was. Others believed Adonis simply claimed responsibility for the action after the fact, using it to their own advantage.

People around the district were shot. Three people died a day over the course of three days, bringing the death toll to nine. The deaths at first seemed random, spread out across the district, but then it was revealed that all were players in an online game, ones in the same guild.

All were said to have participated in online bullying. Another man died outside the district, having taken his own life in regret over his own part in the bullying.

The Shinjuku district was quarantined.

Civilians were issued guns for their own protection.

Nothing was like it had been before, nothing made sense.

* * *

In some ways, it felt like the world was ending. Even here at police headquarters, she could feel it. Things had changed since the quarantine. The fear was so strong in everyone, and sometimes Ichika could feel the despair coming from the people. They were all so frustrated and lost, and it was like the government had given up on them. The police couldn’t protect them.

She knew that was what the people thought, and she knew that was why she had the job she did, trying to help keep them calm and stop any other violence from getting worse. They had to help the people, but somehow it wasn’t enough.

She found herself growing more and more uncertain, and one day after her shift, she sought him out. She wasn’t sure if she just needed to ask if it was him before the world completely fell apart or if she wanted him to make sense of this situation for her, but she did know that she wanted to be able to talk to him again, and he hadn’t returned any of her calls in a while.

“You’re the one with the crush on Yanagi.”

She flushed red, staring in horror at the head of Section One. “That’s not—”

“Save it. He’s not here. He resigned. Damned idiots are going to cost us the only good cops we have left at this rate.”

She winced, making a feeble excuse and leaving the room.

After she got outside the building, she took out her phone and sighed, looking back at the building that felt even less safe than before. She took out her phone and typed a message. _I heard you resigned. That’s a shame. I bet they need you._

She wasn’t expecting a response, but for some reason she held onto her phone as she started walking home, hoping she wouldn’t end up in another fight with Kazuki.

Her phone buzzed, and she looked down in surprise.

_I heard they put you in the new division. Seems like it might be a good fit for you. Stay safe._

_You really won’t come back?_

_No._

She sighed, trying to find words to convince him, but she didn’t have any. She didn’t know why he’d left. Had he abandoned hope like so many already had?

_I haven’t given up on protecting the people of Shinjuku. I just need to do it another way._

She smiled with relief, silently wishing him the best before hurrying on home.

* * *

Despite the quarantine, the crimes continued.

A man committed suicide. Adonis made a statement denouncing those who caused the kind of pain that drove him to it, but it was found that he had been murdered and his death was staged to look like a suicide.

The man believed to have staged the murder, one who seemed to be connected to Adonis, committed suicide in his cell. The trail to Adonis grew cold again.

The weather grew colder and colder.

X-Day drew closer and closer.

A truck hit a police motorcycle. Two people were killed. At first believed to be an accident, police discovered that the traffic lights had been hacked and manipulated to cause the fatalities. Roman numerals were shown on the screen and the trademark ancient coin was found in the hand of one of the victims, with Adonis once again making a statement.

November became December.

And Adonis once again made their move.

This time it was personal.

* * *

_Show us, Ichika Hoshino. Show us what justice means to you._

The words lingered in her mind as she lay there, unable to move. She didn’t know how long it had been. She didn’t know if they had lied to her or not. They hadn’t answered her again. No one had. She couldn’t move, and she didn’t know if it was panic or she was really dying, but she felt like it was harder and harder to breathe.

If no one found her…

Her eyes started to close. She was afraid, but she couldn’t stop it. She was going to die here. Now. Alone.

_Somebody help me!_

Her world was almost black when she heard the footsteps pounding toward her. She didn’t think they could be real, but then there was a voice, too.

Someone had found her.

She looked up at the man in front of her. Was she dreaming? She must be. He looked like that boy from so long ago. No, no, wait, she knew him. She knew this man. The lines were trying to blur again, though she knew she’d never asked him the question she should have.

“Is… you...” She couldn’t manage it even now.

“Don’t force yourself to talk. I’ve been looking for you.”

She stared at him in confusion. He was looking for her? Why? How would he even know to do that? She hadn’t been missing for that long, had she?

“We know what’s happened to you. Hang in there. Everything will be okay.” He picked her up into his arms. She could tell she was being moved, she felt it, but she couldn’t respond. She didn’t mind being held by him. If she wasn’t careful, she could believe her savior was here again. Yanagi was that boy, and he’d come for her.

Wait.

Yanagi wasn’t a cop anymore. She knew that. She’d heard he resigned. She’d even texted him about it. He’d confirmed it. He wasn’t a cop now.

So… how did he know she was here? How did he know to rescue her?

“Are you afraid of me?” Yanagi asked, and she wanted to wince. She’d hurt him, and yet… she was right to be wary. She knew that. She couldn’t be sure how he knew about what happened. Was he part of X-Day? Part of Adonis? She didn’t want to believe that, but they’d said that they’d be watching and soon she’d be home with them.

No. She didn’t want to go there, wherever their home was.

“This is just like that other time...”

She saw sadness in his eyes, heard it in his voice. That same look from all those years ago. This wasn’t confusion. Not wishful thinking. This man _was_ her savior from before, her hero, the one she’d been too scared of before to thank properly. She tried again to reach out for him, but she couldn’t. Her body wouldn’t move, not even lifting a finger.

“But this time, I’ll be sure to—”

“Yanagi!”

She heard more footsteps approaching but couldn’t turn to look at them, either. She didn’t want others. She wanted Yanagi. She needed to speak to him, but she couldn’t manage it.

Yanagi took a paper from one of them. “This a notice that was addressed to us.”

He let her read it, and she wanted to cry with relief even as it confused her. That’s what he meant. He’d been warned by Adonis. He wasn’t a part of them. She was just caught in X-Day like the others, though for some reason Adonis had given him a way to save her.

Again.

Why was this happening? Why her? “X-Day countdown? Me?”

“Well, can’t you think of some reason why they’d be targeting you?”

She couldn’t. She didn’t see how she could have any meaning for Adonis, why they’d make her a part of X-Day. She was just a rookie cop, hadn’t worked any big cases, mostly dealt with petty complaints from people terrified after the quarantine, and never alone. She didn’t understand why she’d be of interest to them at all unless maybe they just wanted her because she was a cop.

“Shut up, idiot. We don’t have time for this.”

“Sasazuka’s right,” Yanagi said, and she felt grateful for his presence. He was so calm, but his voice carried authority with it, too. She was sure he was the leader here. “It can wait until we’ve neutralized the toxin.”

“But it could be a tra—”

“Enomoto. I won’t repeat myself. Her life is at stake.”

The silence over them was tense, and she knew that she wasn’t the only one with doubts. Still, she didn’t want to die without trying. She had to fight this as long as she could.

“If there is a way to stop it… please help me.”

Yanagi leaned close to her again, looking at the collar around her neck. “Yeah. Looks like we need to enter the code here.”

She nodded, trying to prepare herself. She wanted to be ready for this, but she was still scared. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“Just hold on a little bit longer,” Yanagi told her. “You’ll be okay.”

“I know,” she managed to say, looking at him again as he held her life in his hands. “I trust you, Yanagi.”

His eyes widened, and he stared at her even as something stabbed into her. She gasped, and his expression turned from confusion to fear.

“No. Did we screw up?” Enomoto asked. “Yanagi—”

“What’s happening?”

She wanted to reach out and reassure Yanagi. She’d asked for this, and she _did_ trust him. Even if the letter lied, she didn’t blame him. Then she felt it. She could move. She reached out, trembling, for Yanagi, who let out a breath in relief.

“Looks like it worked.”

She nodded, wanting to cry. “Yes. I can feel my body again. Thank you.”

She’d thought for a moment that she was going to die, but she was able to breathe again, able to move. She owed Yanagi her life. Again. That thought actually made her want to smile. She tried to stand up and bow to him, but he shook his head, holding her back.

“Don’t do anything crazy yet. We have no idea what that poison was. The antidote must have been in the collar, too, but that doesn’t tell us much.”

“Thank you. Again.”

“I didn’t do it alone. They’ve been running all over looking for you, too.”

She glanced toward the others and bowed her head to them, though she had to turn back to Yanagi, tugging on his coat to pull him closer, not sure she could say this in front of everyone. “This is the second time now you’ve saved me. And I’m glad this time I got to thank you. I was too scared back then, and I was terrified today, but I knew… I wanted to trust you.”

He shuddered like a great weight just fell off of him, and she winced, thinking about how stressful this must have been for them as well. That note, the rush to find her and stop her death. She wanted to cling to him, to hold on and let them both believe it would be okay now.

She knew it wasn’t over, but she’d gotten to do the one thing she wanted to do most—thank her childhood savior, and that gave her the sense that she could do almost anything now.

“Thank you,” she repeated, and Yanagi gave her a soft, sad smile just before the others started bombarding her with questions.

* * *

Yanagi knew he should have sent Shiraishi for this, should have just asked him to see Hoshino back to them, but he didn’t want to do that, couldn’t make himself do it despite the pathetic attempts Sasazuka and Enomoto made to tease him about the woman. They didn’t know or understand, and he wasn’t about to explain to either of them.

What he’d done…

He took a drag on his cigarette and let it out, staring out into the night. If anyone here recognized him or had an issue with his presence, they hadn’t said anything. He knew some of them must have, he wasn’t entirely unknown to the force here, though Morioka probably told them to leave him be if he was told. His old supervisor would know that whatever they might be, Yanagi did have his reasons for this. He might not have told anyone what they were, but he did.

He sensed something behind him and turned, looking back to see her walking out as she might any other night, any night she hadn’t been abducted and nearly killed. He doubted she appeared so calm because this had happened before—if anything, that should have scared her even more. Still, for what she’d been through, she seemed rather composed.

Others would be happy she hadn’t lost her head in a crisis. He knew that was a good thing. She was a cop, but he wasn’t sure about it all the same. She was smiling at him, and he didn’t know what to do with that.

“I hoped you’d be the one to come.”

He shrugged. “Didn’t want to discuss the rest of it around the others.”

“They don’t trust me.”

He knew that much was true, but it wasn’t just that. She should know that. “You are a stranger to them, and Adonis went to strange lengths not just to abduct you but also to save your life.”

“Do you think they’re playing with us?”

He frowned. “With us?”

“I know I said I don’t know why they’d choose me, and I don’t, but I… I think they know about what happened when I was younger,” she said, swallowing. “I think they know you saved me then. They… they arranged it so you’d save me again.”

He nodded. He’d had that thought running through his head since he found her in the church. The way she’d been laid out was like before, like when he found her as a stupid punk who thought he knew better, and that alone would have screwed with his head. Only it wasn’t just that she’d been arranged like her childhood self, rendered helpless even without the chains. She was that same girl, now a woman, and Adonis chose her for this for a reason.

Were they targeting her or him?

“We shouldn’t talk about this here,” Yanagi said, leading her away from the police station. They didn’t need to attract attention to themselves, especially with Adonis telling them not to get the police involved.

She took hold of his arm, making him stop. They weren’t next to the police station any longer, and the city was deserted because of the hour. No one wanted to be outside now when it wasn’t safe and anything could happen.

“On the one hand, I’m glad,” she said, and he frowned at her. “I told you—I was too scared and confused back then to thank you. You looked… so hurt when I pulled away from you. Like you did today. When I got older, I wanted to find you and say that I was sorry and to thank you, but I couldn’t. Even being a cop didn’t help—I couldn’t find a report on the incident.”

He still couldn’t believe what he was hearing. All this time, believing himself a monster for how badly he’d beaten that man, how much of a killer he’d been… and she was thanking him. Apologizing.

“I shouldn’t have been scared of you, but I couldn’t remember it all. And at first, you were just a scary dark shape. You… you held out a hand I wanted to take but was too scared to try. I couldn’t move. Just like today.”

Yanagi shook his head. “What I did—”

“He hurt you first. I do remember that much. He hit you because you came for me,” she said, wincing. “You were hurt because of me.”

“No. You were hurt because of me. He didn’t hit you until I got there. He might not have done anything if I hadn’t tried to free you.”

She looked down and took his hand. He stared at her, but she gave him a smile as she did.

“I don’t know why Adonis chose me. I don’t know why they’re doing this. I do know that I want to find out. I want to stop them. And I want to do it with you. I couldn’t take your hand back then, but I don’t want to let it go now.”

Yanagi nodded. She could say what she liked about him saving her today. The truth was, she’d saved him, and he wouldn’t waste this opportunity, this unexpected gift she’d given him. “We’ll find them. And stop them. Let’s go talk to the others.”

She nodded, and they started walking again. Her hand was warm in his, almost like hope itself was in his grasp. They would find Adonis. They would stop X-Day.

And maybe someday, he’d forgive himself like she’d already forgiven him.

* * *

Adonis claimed more lives.

She hadn’t been able to save anyone in the video. None of them had. That girl had pushed them off the rooftop before anyone could stop her. That was what Adonis did, they teased people with claims of justice and vengeance, but they terrified everyone, making sure there was no way the police could stop them or save anyone, increasing the fear.

She’d been able to tell them where to look for the bodies. She’d remembered that strange girl outside the club that Kazuki went to when he practiced his music. The strange fan with the hoodie and the weird way of speaking.

Ichika _had_ helped, but all she’d done wasn’t enough. The suspect’s memory was gone, and they still had no way of finding Adonis or who put this collar on her, no way of stopping X-Day, even if Adonis claimed that was what they wanted her to do—to solve the crimes.

Still, she’d been able to talk to Kazuki after that incident, convinced him to help her help his friend avoid suspicion again. Not only did it look like Kazuki would be able to keep pursuing his dream of music with his friend’s band, but he didn’t seem to hate her as much anymore. They’d really had a chance to talk. She’d apologized, and maybe just maybe he’d forgive her.

She couldn’t have done it without Yanagi’s words to her, and she told him as much when she went to report to him.

Then, of course, he called her out on her fatigue and her hunger, insisting on cooking for her.

She’d fallen asleep waiting for the food and the dream came back, the same one as always.

_The monster._

_No. Not any kind of monster. The dark shadow wasn’t a monster. Her vision was blurred and confused by pain, but that was a teenage boy. Her dream was clearer than ever. She could see him now, all of him, the Aiji Yanagi she knew now visible in the boy he’d been then._

_Every time before, she’d been so scared, but this time, even with the blood and the awful sounds, she felt oddly calm._

_She looked at the boy in front of her. He had moved and was holding out his hand. She wanted to take it. She reached to take it._

And woke up, Yanagi’s worried face looking down at her. She could feel a large, cool hand on her forehead. Yanagi’s hand. She started to rise, but he shook his head.

“Don’t get up too quickly. Calm down.”

She swallowed. She was far too aware of that hand on her head. “Um, you see—”

“I’m sorry for touching you. You know where you are?”

She nodded. She hadn’t forgotten. “I was just lying down while you made some food. I’m fine.”

She could tell he didn’t believe her, and he hadn’t really backed off, which was just making her heart beat faster, so she supposed he wouldn’t think she was okay. She wasn’t exactly calm, but it wasn’t the dream making her feel that way. Yanagi was too close, and all the lines were blurring.

This man had saved her life, twice now, and she was grateful, but that wasn’t the reason her heart raced when he touched her.

“You didn’t sleep for very long. Are you sure you’re okay? Your face is warm.”

She was about to die of embarrassment and hormones, the war within her to pull him closer even as she knew she shouldn’t. “I just had a slightly scary dream. I’m okay now.”

He tilted his head, looking at her. “About the X-Day video?”

“No. About that time when you saved me,” she said, and he looked away from her. She reached for him before he could leave. “This time I was actually able to reach for your hand, but you woke me before I could.”

Yanagi frowned. “If you remember what happened—”

“You saved me. I remember that,” she said, sitting up quickly. She was starting to understand just how much he hated himself for what he’d done that day. “You’re not a monster. I was too scared then, but ever since I’ve been dreaming of finding you and thanking you.”

“Hoshino...”

She wrapped her arms around him, leaning against his back. “I wish you understood what I saw then. Not the blurred images from the fear. The clarity that comes after seeing it so many times. I understand now what I was too afraid to see back as a child.”

He shook his head. “I hurt that man. I hit him so many times I… I thought I had to kill him. I tried to, and he may as well be dead.”

She closed her eyes. “I thought he was going to kill me. And you. And don’t forget he tried. It wasn’t like he backed off when you threatened him. He took your weapon and hit both of us with it over and over until I passed out. I don’t even know how you had the strength to fight him again. I am just forever grateful that you did.”

“I don’t know that you should be.”

“I am. You’re my hero. You always have been.”

“I am not a hero.”

“Yes, you are. Especially if that food tastes as good as it smells.”

He laughed, and she could feel the tension leaving him again. He’d saved her, but maybe she could still help him. She wanted to, wanted to give him something, not in exchange but because of who he was, both then and now.

* * *

He worried about her. More than he should, more than he wanted to.

He had promised everyone he was going to help stop X-Day, and he wasn’t going back on his word, even when what little he could do to keep some distance between them wasn’t enough. Still, as time passed, she wormed closer and closer to him, impressing him not just with her resolve against what she was facing but also in her compassion and willingness to forgive. She hadn’t just shown it to him—she’d given plenty to her brother’s friend, her actions not only preventing more deaths but also bringing them closer to finding those responsible for all of this.

When Adonis retaliated, he knew they’d scored a victory, however small. He could even see the childishness in it, the way the voice from the collar not only thought he could push a wedge between them by reminding Hoshino of the past, of what Yanagi had done and how it cost a man his life, but in also in the scenario he’d chosen to play out. This wasn’t some grand mastermind. He came off like a spoiled child who’d didn’t like his dinner.

A dangerous child, one that could get others to do his bidding.

That sort of mentality hadn’t made this any simpler. Or easier. Facing another hostage situation, the same as when he’d left the police force, that was meant to break him. They hadn’t convinced him to join them, that they were the same, and they wanted to punish him.

If not for Hoshino…

Yanagi wouldn’t have been able to do it. He wouldn’t have been able to do anything.

And now she knew all of him, his true cowardice.

“My hands are trembling again. I’m pathetic.”

He could feel her shake her head against his back. “I don’t think you’re pathetic. You saved everyone, didn’t you?”

“Because of you. I could only shoot because you were here. Without you, I wouldn’t have had the courage to do it. Without you, I would have failed. Again.” He closed his eyes. He was a fool. She had to know by now just what he truly was. “It really is pathetic. I say I want to protect them all. I talk big, but freeze in the clutch. Once I think about losing anyone, I tense up. It’s almost like a curse. I felt like I’d never be able to overcome that, but you told me we could save them. And there was no point if I didn’t do it myself. You could have done it on your own, but you trusted me to act. And because I trusted you, I was finally able to shoot.”

Once again she’d lifted a weight off him. She’d done it almost from the start, back when he found her after she’d been collared, when she said she trusted him. He still had trouble believing it of himself, but she’d put her life in his hands willingly. She hadn’t been scared.

“I’m glad you were with me. You’re… incredibly strong.”

“I didn’t do anything,” she whispered. “I was just as scared as you were. No, I was terrified. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I was.”

“You didn’t run even though you were scared.” He leaned his head back. “I did. I tried, at least. I was so wrapped up in my own guilt that I didn’t want to face you. Even after you told me you didn’t see me as a monster… I still saw myself that way.”

“Yanagi...”

“Thank you for believing in me.”

She moved her arm to cover his hand with hers. “Even if we hadn’t shared that moment in our past, I would trust you now. I want to—and I do—trust the you I know now. I want to stay by your side from now on.”

He nodded. “All right. Stay with me from now on. You’re my partner.”

Somehow that wasn’t enough, but he didn’t want to think about why.

* * *

She was closer to Yanagi than ever, but still too far from the truth. They had to know who was leading Adonis, who was behind X-Day and who put the collar on her. The help they’d gotten from Kazuki’s friend wasn’t enough to give them all the answers, but she still felt like she should know.

Yanagi agreed. He walked her through it, helping her to find a way to the truth without distrusting everyone, by reinforcing her reasons to trust her friends and eliminate them from suspicion, slowly guiding her to the right answer.

Except it couldn’t be the right answer.

She didn’t want to accept it.

She couldn’t believe it.

She didn’t think it could be possible for him to be the one who had done this to her. He was her friend. Her drinking buddy. She’d trusted him, so she’d been able to tell him so many things. She now knew she shouldn’t have.

She didn’t know what of her friend was real and what was a lie. If it was all lies… or all true. She couldn’t make sense of it. Not this. She didn’t want to make sense of it. His betrayal hurt more than she could say. Yanagi held her, and she didn’t want him ever to let go. She wasn’t sure she could stand on her own if he did.

Yanagi spoke to her, his words meant to calm her, but she couldn’t calm herself after that discovery.

“You found your rescuer after all this time,” he said. “Weren’t you disappointed?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Even if I wasn’t what you remembered? Even after I abandoned the police and tried to shut you out of this case and keep you at a distance?”

She reached up to put her hands on Yanagi’s arms. “I believed in you. You had changed, but so did I. And I wanted to know more. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know you, the true you, not just the one I thought I might know because of our past.”

“You were willing to give me that much faith even after what you saw me do,” he said, and she sighed. He didn’t understand. He wasn’t a monster. But the man who collared her… “What Adonis has done is unforgivable. That’s not in debate. You know that. And you know who was behind this. What you don’t know is why. Without knowing that, you won’t know peace.”

She nodded, understanding that as well. She’d thought she was prepared for this, but she wasn’t. This truth broke her heart. That a friend who gave her such support and kindness could be the same person who persuaded others to kill, who intended a bloody revolution to rebuild Japan the way he wanted it to be, who had kidnapped her and collared her, nearly killing her already… It was too much.

Could she hope there was anything left of the man she knew in the man who had done this?

She didn’t know.

She just let Yanagi hold her until there was nothing else.


End file.
